Happiness…

Happiness…

It was a stressed morning; I had an important meeting to attend. It was a big order for a company of our size, clients had arrived from Mumbai and they wanted to look at our samples, presentation and Facilities...

I was not keeping well from morning but didn't want to assign the work to my Managers, so I decided to meet the client. Anyhow decided to drive myself and started for the meeting. While crossing the signals at a cross road, I could feel something wrong, images in front of me were going blur...I slowed down my car and then I am not sure what happened...

Next I remember, opening my eyes in a hospital. I could see my worried wife sitting next my bed, her tears not yet dry. Gathering some strength I asked her, “Where am I? And how come you are here?” Instead of answering me she rushed out to call the doctor... After the examination doctor said, “He is quite fine, let us keep him on observation for two to three days.”

Eager to know about myself, I asked, “What is the matter? What happened to me?” Convincingly he replied, “Nothing to worry, you just had a minor heart attack. We have operated upon you...and you are doing fine now.” He also suggested me to relax and not to take any stress.

As doctor moved out of the room, I asked my wife to give my mobile so as to call the client and inform them... Instead of handing over the phone, my wife gave a heavyhearted look at me and said "You relax; I have taken care of things and have asked others to do the needful of it. Moreover, you were unconscious for more than a day; now you don't worry about all that, just relax. Doctor has strictly instructed not to handover any electronic gadgets to you and may not have any visitors as well..."

While she was saying something, I dozed off...may be the sedatives working on me. When I got up I could find her sitting next to me and reading newspaper. I asked her about our kids. She said, “They are at home and my parents are with them...”

A couple of days later when I was feeling much better, my wife asked, "Can I go home and check the situation over there at home.  Meanwhile Aman will be here to take care of you. Aman, my elder son was doing his 2nd year intermediate. As I was telling that I am okay to be alone and can handle myself...I could see a frown on my wife’s face...I immediately said, “Aman is fine.”

When Aman came in, he gave me a hug and asked, "Dad, how are you feeling?" Seeing him itself made me feel much better, adding some patient attitude I said, “Top of the world, with you around"

My wife had a list of instructions for Aman like don't trouble your dad and no talking to him... let him rest and also informed that she will be back in the evening. I reminded, "I am fine, I think we should all go back home, ask the doctor, if I can be discharged?"

She said, "I have asked, you will be discharged day after tomorrow". I knew she was angry with me because whenever she had raised a question about my lifestyle and repeatedly requesting me to get the health checkup done, I had always avoided...May be in that anger and in-between all the arguments we had, I could see the kind of love and affection that she has for me....

After giving clear instructions to Aman, she said “take care” to me and left.

After sometime I saw Aman reading his novel and laughing aloud. His laugh sounded so genuine...I had nothing to do other than a magazine, I was never so free for so many years, I thought let me catch up with some news on TV. I asked Aman for the TV remote, he smiled back at me and said, "Dad! Mom has given it to the housekeeping, with an instruction not to switch on the TV, so you better sleep or read the Magazine..." and smiled again, going back to his book...

I turned some pages of the magazine but it was not interesting. I thought of talking to Aman but looking at him engrossed in his book and hearing him laugh, thought it was a funny novel. I didn't want to disturb him...Laying and looking at the blank ceiling, listening to Aman's laugh, I remembered something suddenly. , He has a very similar laugh as I had when I was young... Thinking about those days, I felt smile on my face and again a thought crossed my mind, “Where did I lose it...It had been long I had a hearty laugh like that...”

Why? What was the problem...why am I not able to laugh like my earlier days...?

The question, kept me thinking...All kinds of thought, some even without any relevance started coming to me. I wanted to get rid of these thought, so picked up the magazine again and flipped few pages. A picture caught my attention, on the bank of river Ganga some funeral taking place. A shiver went down the spine...mind went blank for a few seconds...

Aman was laughing again which caught my attention again. I questioned myself, "Why am I not able to laugh wholeheartedly?” I remember Aman had a better laugh; he is used to laugh nonstop at some joke in movies or at a small incident and my mother used to say "you were just like this.”

In the process of growing up and to be happy in the long term, creating wealth for next generation, I have actually ignored to enjoy the small happiness we get in our day to day life...

What makes me happy??

Is it the same situation that makes me happy all the time? I am sure…NO.

At different stages of life does happiness means different??

The questions popping into my mind looked like never ending....I surely wanted to get out of this mindset, so called Aman and asked, “How has it been the last few days and what he was up-to?” He closed his book and looked at me, looking lost...making himself dig in more into the couch and putting his leg up he said, “As usual, nothing new...”

I gave a surprised look!! He understood I wanted to know more so he continued, “What we will have dad, school, prepare for entrance and sleep...what is the change in life. Yeah, we do chat some time, it’s kind of boring!!! But as you said we will enjoy more once we are onto a good job or Business...

I wanted to ask where you will enjoy in job or business. It’s more like a struggle. I stopped myself and asked, “Why do you sayso? As youngster you guys have no responsibility, you can surely enjoy and be happy right??

Aman looked very disinterested to answer. He wanted to read his book but looking at me waiting for an answer said, “Look Dad, I don't want to do this now as you are not well and you must take rest...my answers, you may not like it and increase your blood pressure which is not good for you now...and he smiled.

I was not ready to give up so easily to this young fellow… asked again, “Are you not happy? We had a deal. You had said, “I am your best friend and we will not keep secrets with each others...Don't I listen to you son?? Would like to understand, anyway we have time so let me understand you; maybe we can better the situation.

Reluctantly he said, “Look Dad, I have nothing to say, I am happy but nothing is happening in my life...”

I was still staring at him; waiting for a better explanation. I guess I was actually trying to get the answers of the entire question which was going on in my mind...How will the poor boy know?? I looked at him; he understood that dad will not leave me...so he started talking….

“Dad, you know I don’t even have anytime for myself. From morning to late night, what I do is to prepare for exams and preparing for all the entrance tests. I do get up in the morning, rush to College, one lecture after another, hardly any time for lunch. From there straight to the extra coaching for Medicine which goes up till late evening. Travelling back I finish myhomework and preparing for class tests and my day ends. While travelling, sometimes we call up our friends, in this routine life you tell me dad what is there to be happy about? And what should I tell is happening...?”

“So should I think you are not happy going for the coaching classes? Should I stop them? You will get some time...I asked...

He replied, “Dad, look you have taken it wrong, I am not saying I don't want to study, what I was telling you is that I don't have anything different in life. It is the same routine...for the matter of fact it is the same for most of us, your life or dadu's life also is the same...”

For some time there was silence in the room...He looking at me and I stared back at him...I was not sure what should I tell him...The reality hit me hard...and the best part he is cool about it.

After a while, I told Aman, today I would like to share with you some secrets...He looked at me surprised!!

I continued, without waiting for him to give his consent...”For the last few days I was just thinking, havingnothing to do, how successful I am? And how happy I am? What would you all think about me, if I would not have survived this stroke...”

“How happy am I? Is something, I am not able to answer.  I was happy with a small chocolate which my dad gave me when I was young or a gift on my birthday would make me happy but today none of them make me happy. Eating from my sister's plate made me very happy; there are many more small moments that made me happy. However, today when I can buy all of them myself, it doesn't make me happy...why does it not make me happy...?”

“Keeping a big goal to achieve and working hard towards that we are forgetting to enjoy the small moments in life which gives us happiness. What are the big goals in life....to create wealth for you and to be called successful by others in society by amassing expensive things!!!?”

I was not sure how much he was understanding even though I continued, “When I was dating your mother, we used to struggle to get some time together. When we used to go out for a dinner or movies, we used to feel so happy. Now when she is around me, I hardly spend quality time with her. What is the point in telling someone that we loved them on their dead body rather I feel it is better to tell now when they are with you... Beginning of life is known, end is known, why are we running so much for that small number of year in between????”

“When I asked my mother what her dream was, she always said, I wanted to travel across the globe...My parents did well for themselves but saved every penny and gave to me and my sister. The funny part is that we have not used the money given by parents, we are working hard to amass more wealth for you guys...and you are working hard to make a better life for yourself...I don’t even remember where the FD given by your grandfather is and the agriculture land given by him. No one is doing anything in the village. May be if you sell them tomorrow, you will be able tomake some good money...”

“I think I should remove the FD of my parents and allow them to travel.  I feel that it will make my mother happy, what do you feel...?”

“I still remember, once my father said, “If your kid is good, he will not need your money and if he is not, how much ever money you give it will not be enough...it’s true…”

“Ifeel, our benchmark for happiness has to be small or our rules to be happy have to be small.”

“A small kid; He is happy looking at his mother or happy looking at a particular color or if he gets a ball to play...”

When we grow up our expectations are more, so we are not happy...when you came 2nd in running race in class V, I should have been happy instead I said you should have put little more effort to come first...”

“Putting a wholehearted effort is important and then being happy at what we get is most important...”

“Son, I surely want you to be successful but more than that I want you to be more Happier...”

Just then my wife walked in and looking at me she said, “I am a little late...and why is my son so sad?? Did you say anything to him?”

Aman replied, “No Mom, I got to know a few things, maybe I wouldn't get to learn it from college.” He turned to me and said, “I should spend more time with you, dad!!!”

That day I decided to change…and promised to change the way I look at Success and Happiness…