My 70th Birthday

My grandchildren had organized a grand bash on my 70th birthday. Many of our close family and friends had come for the function.

Surprising factor was that my grandchildren's friends who are in their early twenties and in their teen had come. Why would they like to come for a boring party of 70 year old lady, I wondered.

I am not used to so much of attention. As I was entering the hall, kids came running and caught hold of me and started guiding me towards the stage...which reminded me of my walk towards my Kalyana Mandapam. Also it was the only day when I was the centre of attraction.

Children had bought me a bright color saree and they insisted me to wear the same. I was reluctant to wear that maroon color with bright light in the hall. I was afraid it would be quite awkward at this age.

My husband as usual was walking ahead of me and he started mingling with his friends and relatives. Please don't mistake him, he has been a caring and wonderful person and always provided whatever was the necessities of the family. It was a kind of culture in our generation that we generally don't walk hand in hand as you guys do. In our generation, men were not used to show their love for his partner in front of others.  I have seen my son and grandchildren buying flowers on special occasion and giving it to their female friends. I don't even remember if my old man had ever got me flowers.

It was not that we were not romantic. We used to go for movies or occasionally to some Udipi hotel have Masala Dosa and Coffee. As gifts, it would be always a saree. He will forget most of the time but after two or three days when I remind him about my birthday, he would bring it.

Holidays means either to go his village to meet his relative or my place to meet my parents (this was very rare).

Suddenly they pushed me to sit on a chair in the middle of the hall. It was quiet embarrassing to be the center of attraction. Then suddenly the lights went dim and the spotlight was on a pretty girl. She had a mike in her hand. I was sure she was going to sing the birthday song but NO; she started to make an announcement. To my surprise, she started to tell about me actually. With my fading memory, I put on some extra effort to know how she knew about me. Is she any of our relative, whom I had forgotten? 

I couldn't recollect her as a distant relative. So I pulled my granddaughter close to me asked slowly, "Is she related to us in any way, how she knows about me?" She Laughed and said, “Yes, "Amma", we have paid her and given the script. She is the anchor and that is how you are related”. For me that wasn't funny at all…

Do we actually have a job like this too...I could be a better anchor… If they pay me as well. I thought. 

I was not concentrating on what the anchor was saying. I was busy looking at my Puchi, my youngest granddaughter. I was worried that she may stumble and fall in this dim light. Then I saw in the screen right in front of us, they had displayed in a photo, wishing me and written 'Amma’s Journey"!!!

Although I stood up with folded hands to thank everyone, my elder granddaughter, who had taken the lead in organizing the function pulled me and whispered me to sit down. 

She said, "I will tell you when to get up." She sat next me with her group of friends. I was meeting some of them for the first time. I knew most of her school friends and a few of her college friends. I knew all her little secret that she has a boyfriend which her parents were not aware of. She spends every evening with me letting me know what all she did, we are good friends...

The first photo flashed on the screen of mine was from my school days. Where did they find this photograph? My brother sitting on the extreme corner of the hall looked at me and smiled, I came to know he had given it to them....

Each photo a very rare collection from my school, my visit to different places with parents, marriage and kids. I could see myself growing up in that 15 minute slides. This could have been the greatest gift given by my kids. I was happy and tears started flowing out of my eyes. Both my elder granddaughter and grandson where sitting next to me and the younger ones all around me.

I was getting even more emotional when suddenly, I saw my other brother and family on the screen, and they had called from USA to wish me. I was so ecstatic...

When the slides were going on one of my granddaughter's friend asked my granddaughter, "What did your Amma used to do?" She replied, "She used to take care of us."

She asked again, "No, where was she working?" My granddaughter without bothering to reply, she looked at the slides but her friend said, "Ohh!! She was a Housewife".

I can understand why she would have asked this. I am not like usual grandmothers of South. I had a haircut like boys; most of my photos of past 50 years were in tracks & tees with sports shoes, playing with kids, doing horse ridding and in swimming pool, etc... She must be thinking that I would have been a working woman or may be a sport person, I felt good.

People came to wish me, a few kids came to take my blessings, and the celebrations were on full swing. My eyes frequently checked on my old man to find what he was up to… He was having a gala time with his friends and other relatives.

The anchor was approaching all, sons/daughters in Law, grandkids, my brothers and many other people who are related to me and asking them to say a few words. Everyone had a few nice words to say, obviously on an occasion like this they will say good things only, and they will be forced to ignore my shortcomings.

One statement what I like the most or maybe I will always cherish for the rest of my life is when my daughter-in-law said, “I had heard a lot of stories about mother-in-laws, in books, newspapers, stories from friends but I have not found her in my life yet. Although I had lost my mother much early however after marriage I never missed her. I don’t even know when “Amma” took my mother’s place”.

When the mike was given to my husband, he wanted to pass it on but everybody insisted him to say a few words… Initially he was hesitant but eventually agreed and said, "It has been more than 50 years of togetherness. It is difficult to be separate personalities. Whatever I am or rather whatever we are today is all that we have worked out together.” 

  

Suddenly she approached me and requested to speak a few things on the occasion of my 

Birthday and my feelings. She said she has heard from everyone that you are always Happy and never got angry…How? 

I was not prepared for these situations and answers. I wasn’t sure how to answer to these kind of personal questions.

I had never ever spoken in public. Actually such need never came up so was not sure what to say. Confused, I pulled my granddaughter closer to me and whispered in her ears, "You should have informed me this so that I get enough time to prepare with the help of your speech. Now everyone will laugh at me…" She gave me a tight hug and said, “Amma”, just tell what you always tell us when we all are at home. Tell them what you do when we do mistakes…tell them why you are happy… all the people over here are like your kids…"

I was not sure but didn’t want to disappoint my doll, so I stood up looking into everyone’s eyes; my old man was looking straight at me.  

I started slowly with a tremble. I thanked everyone for coming here and conveying their wishes…

"You asked me how am I happy always; it’s not always actually its most of the time… I will take a few minutes to explain…"

"As everyone, my childhood passed on by playing and going to school. I was married when I was 20 years. Just then I had finished by B.A. I wanted to work and had got a job in State Telephone Department but parents never thought that was important and got me married. I was happy taking care of the house and children. It was or rather a full time job. I never felt the need of going out and work. I never wanted to prove the world that I am successful only by working in an office. I wanted to prove myself and my family that we are happy and they matter to me the most. Today those who are sitting in the room and those who are thinking about me far away as well as those who are unable to come here matter to me............"

"My rule for happiness is small and I have kept it like that. I am happy if my kid has scored good mark more than what I thought of. I never asked him, who is first in the class? 

I was happy the day my husband got a scooter; we had it for 20 years. I was happy not to travel in bus anymore but to go in our own transport. When his friends bought a car, I never compared. I was happy for them............."

"When my children got married, everyone guided me not to lose my authority but I never thought so. In fact I had become a mother after 25 years. I got one more son the day my daughter got married and when my son got married, I got one more daughter. I am going to be with my children all my life. Their happiness is mine so why should I be a hindrance to my children's happiness. Today I am a proud mother of 4 children......"

"The people, who guided me to be authoritative, have gone but my kids are with me…"

"Every smile of my grandchildren made me happy as I was taking care of them. My four children could take care of their careers. The satisfaction of their kids in safe hands with their mother, I could see it every evening in their eyes, which made me happy.........."

"Yes, I never got angry; there were times when I was upset because anger is a matter of connivance. We scold or punish our own children when they do mistakes but if the same mistake was done by my neighbour's kid, I would coolly explain how it has to be done....."

"Connivance of they being my kids, allows me to lift my hand or scream at them. I prefer not to have the connivance and think for a moment that they are neighbour's kids. Similarly in every situation, it is only the way we look at that moment which will make us angry or not.........."

"One of my granddaughter's friends was wondering if I was just a Housewife. YES, I am a housewife. I am smart enough for not doing two jobs. I am not interested to work in an office and come back home and work…You do double work and get exhausted. I remain at home and feel happy for I made my family happy........."

"Yes, I am a Housewife… Success is not in making little money or it is not when you are given some piece of paper as an appreciation certificate in the office. The happiness of my success is being celebrated right now in this hall which I can see in the eyes of each one of you. My Happiness rules are quite small............."

"I have no bank account today and surely don’t need one because I have earned the love and affection of my family. What is needed is there even before I could ask for...from husband, my brothers, kids or grandkids….."

"There are so-called very successful people, retired and one is my husband among them. What are they doing today? They are also like me, sitting at HOME…but I could do that for a such a long time so am I not more privileged than them and more successful? I said with a wicked smile and everyone laughed out loud with me....."

"I am happy because I have very less expectations. I don’t compare and my world is my family and friends, who are surely extended, family….. If they recognize me today that is enough. I am okay to be called a Housewife. I don’t hide under the cover of Homemaker or any other fancy name….."

"I guess I have taken it a long time. I would like to conclude by saying that I am what as you look at me today. There is only one life... don’t run behind money and the so-called success and spoil your health. Ultimately you end up paying doctor's bills from whatever you have earned and saved for your later years…"

"Be happy to spend time with your spouse and children now because by the time you have time, maybe they would become busy...."

"If god calls me today, I will be happy because I am successful in what I set out for….."

I folded my hands and sat down slowly.

My kids came, surrounded me and hugged me tightly and we were all in tears….of happiness and proud

My Husband walked over to me, for the first time held my hand in public and we walked hand in hand slowly towards the dinner table…