In Mumbai, a busy Indian city, lived a woman named Priya. Priya was a strong and independent woman who loved life and lived it fully. But she didn't believe much in gods or religion. Her days were happy and full of love, but also a bit crazy.
Priya loved to travel. She explored many famous temples in India, from Kailash in the Himalayas to the Meenakshi Temple in Madurai, and even went all the way south to Kanyakumari. She also enjoyed India's beautiful beaches, relaxing in Goa and Chennai, to name a couple. Her adventures even took her to unique places like the Golden Temple in Amritsar, the Parsi Fire Temple in Mumbai, and Bodh Gaya, where Buddha is said to have found enlightenment.
Even though Priya doesn't believe in God (she's an atheist), her friend is curious why she visits temples. Priya says she doesn't go to pray. For her, temples are peaceful places. It's true that everyone is focused on their own wishes and not paying attention to others, which might seem selfish. But Priya also likes that everyone, from rich people to poor beggars, comes together there for a similar reason.
Most importantly, temples help her relax, forget her worries, and find inner peace. She also enjoys the temples' history and beautiful architecture.
One beautiful morning, Priya was on vacation at a popular tourist spot. She was watching the sunrise from a clifftop when a nearby cow, munching on some very ripe bananas, startled the security guard. In his rush to clear the animal away from the tourists, the cow dropped a banana peel. Priya, unaware of the peel, accidentally stepped on it and fell off the cliff. The fall was fatal.
When Priya arrived at Yamaloka, the record-keeper, Chitragupta, was unsure how to categorize her. Her family background was quite diverse, with people from different religions, castes, and regions. For example, her grandfather on one side was from Kabul, while her grandmother was from a Hindu family in Pakistan who had settled in India. On the other side of the family, one grandparent was from Sri Lanka and the other from Orissa.
Her parents came from different religions in India and gave her the freedom to choose her own beliefs. Her husband's family, while less complicated, also had a mix of religions and languages across generations.
Confused by Priya's background, Chitragupta approached Yamadharma . He presented Priya's family tree and explained his dilemma. Since Priya had visited many important Hindu pilgrimage sites and done many good deeds, Chitragupta worried. Should he judge her as a Hindu and send her to heaven or hell? He wondered if any other religion would object to her classification, fearing a "conversion case" in the universal court of justice of heaven.
To avoid any complications," Yamadharma said, "let's send her to the Angels and Kiraman Katibin (Islamic recorders of deeds). They can decide where she goes."
Priya was anxious. "Which train should I take to heaven or hell?" she asked.
"There's no immediate decision," Chitragupta explained. "We need approval from all the other religions. It's like getting a 'no objection certificate' from everyone. Alternatively, if another religion wants to claim you, we'd need to give permission too."
Priya was confused. "But my Aadhar card and passport don't mention any religion," she argued. "Can't I go to a non-believer section?"
Chitragupta sighed. "There's no such thing here, Priya. Things used to be simple. But now, in this Kali Yuga, you humans have created so much religious complexity! It's like dealing with cults down there! Making a CAA (Citizenship Amendment Act) or NRC (National Register of Citizens) here would be a nightmare! We have to follow democratic principles, unlike the way things are done in the human world.
Can you give me the GPS locations for these religious offices?" Priya asked.
"We have self-driving buffalo here," Chitragupta explained. "Just sit in one and it'll take you to all the offices. We'll deduct one point from your good deeds for each office visit as a service charge."
Priya wasn't happy with this deal. "I don't know how many good deeds I have, and if you deduct a point per office, how many religions are there? I could run out! I refuse. I won't go on any buffalo."
After much negotiation, Chitragupta said, "For causing this confusion, you'll be punished."
Priya interrupted, "It wasn't me! It was my parents and their parents... wait, isn't it said marriages are made in heaven? So it's not even their fault, it's God's mistake!"
Chitragupta was speechless. Priya then asked, "If this is so confusing, what about my grandparents? They came here a long time ago. What did you do with them? Can't you just do the same for me?
Priya's suggestion intrigued Chitragupta. He checked his records and saw that some of Priya's ancestors had obtained "no objection certificates" from their religions, while others were still stuck in a universal court case in Heaven. These ancestors were currently in a detention camp.
Priya was shocked. "This bureaucracy exists here too?" she exclaimed.
Chitragupta smiled. "So, what do you say about my offer? One point for visiting every religious offices?"
"Fine," Priya said. "I'll give you one point for all the offices, you take me around. Take it or leave it!"
Chitragupta burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the entire office. Even Yama, the god of death, emerged from his office, curious about the commotion.
"She's bargaining over service charges like she's in a market!" Chitragupta chuckled, regaining his composure.
Yama joined in the laughter. "Let her have her way," he said. "She's given us a good laugh."
Priya visited all the religious offices, but none of them were willing to give her a "no objection certificate." She returned empty-handed to Chitragupta.
"We can't keep her here forever," Chitragupta said to Yama. "It's been almost six months, and without proper records, we can't hold her like Earth's law enforcement agencies do. If Brahma, the creator god, finds out, we'll be in trouble."
"Let's convene a meeting of the United Haven," Yama suggested. "It's like your United Nations, but for the afterlife. They can discuss this unusual case."
And so, with a flurry of celestial paperwork and heavenly red tape, representatives from all corners of the afterlife gathered to decide Priya's fate. There were gods, goddesses, saints, sages, and even a few mischievous imps to add a touch of chaos to the proceedings.
After a lengthy debate, negotiation, and some divine nudges (literally!), they finally reached a solution. Priya would be granted entry into heaven under a brand new category: "The Omni familial Non-Believer."
This new category required a whole new department. Representatives from every religion would be assigned, but for now, they were scrambling to find office space, hire staff, and write the official rules! Stuck in limbo, Priya found herself in a detention center, bouncing from office to office like a frustrated refugee on Earth, trying to get her paperwork approved.
Last anyone heard, a decade later, the department was still not set up. The rules for this new faith remained unwritten, and the detention center was filling up with more confused souls like Priya. It seemed even non-believers might need a little faith...after all, who knew how long this wait would be?
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