My Best Friend- Suffering from Fibromyalgia

To My wife and My Best Friend,

When we first met Twenty-four years ago, I never thought I would be writing this. As we stood in class front of all of those strangers, I never once believed we would find ourselves here. We’ve come a long way.

When we first met, I thought you were different. I was right. Because despite the internal battle you fight on a daily basis, you still manage to be truly the best wife, mother and many other relationships I could have ever hoped for. Despite the challenges illness will no doubt bring to our future, I welcome them head on. So long as we can do it together.

I was a foolish college boy with a tremendous crush. I was not properly equipped to handle the effects of illness, nor was I ready to deal with the perceived backlash I thought could only be my fault. I was ready to give in to whatever you wanted, even if those tendencies were reckless or self-destructive.

When we met, I’d never been truly close to a person who suffered from fibromyalgia and associated with depression. They’d been merely buzzwords thrown around too many times by people who couldn’t think of another way to describe their daily frustrations.

An unseen enemy has taken captive the girl I fell in love with and tortures her daily, the creature laughs, hidden, knowing all I can do is just watch.

I have no weapon to brandish, the villain has no cause to think twice about attacking, there is no potion I can brew to poison the beast, all my armor, training, and Valiant white stead are useless to help the damsel in distress.

A protector, a Fighter of battles, a hero in the eyes of My girl, isn’t that what I wanted to be when we asked for Your hand.

The beast Fibromyalgia, like feeding off certain things, Weather changes, food, Lighting, temperature change etc. I Study these, I makes notes on conditions of commonality that can make a day better or worse...

But, sometimes all I can do is sit back and watch, knowing a crash will happen but allowing it anyway. You have goals, you want to attain, Sometimes the goal is short road trip, I know the cost you will pay, I am Sure you know too...

My armor isn't shiny anymore, I put the stead out to pasture, the sword is hung on the wall, Fibro doesn't respect those tools, it has no fear of man.

Each Day be faced as a new adventure, I wake up fully engaged to make the best out of each day, Because, Fibro will on occasion, take a day off, these are the days I can Capitalized on. The days to remind, you are so much more than illness, you are not a burden carried out of pity, you are my girl.

No, I am not a Saint, I am angry, I am bitter, I am Sad, I can't always hide these feeling, however, you must know they are not for you my darling. They are for the beast that lives within. The monster that has taken my dearest to a place I cannot go. They are for the coward that lurks in the darkness hidden, afraid of a real fight.

No, I am no hero, I curse this beast with every one of my being, Helpless to rescue you, will today be a good or a bad? it doesn't matter, today like yesterday, and like tomorrow, I'll do the best I can. I'II be here, you are not alone.

But today is a brighter day.  I have learned that there will always be days when you are down. Days when you are not quite yourself. And, while some days are a struggle, I am still trying to learn that when you are unhappy, there may not be a root cause.

Today, I am a man. Today I am your husband.

Turn around you will find me….